Sexual Orientation

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  What Is Sexual Orientation?

  Sexual orientation is the term used to describe whether a person feels sexual desire for people of the opposite gender, same gender, or both genders.

  • People who feel sexual desire for members of the other gender are heterosexual — straight.
  • People who feel sexual desire for people of the same gender are homosexual — gay. Gay women are also called lesbians.
  • People who are attracted to both genders are bisexual.

  All these sexual orientations are perfectly normal.

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  What Causes Sexual Orientation?

  It’s not exactly known what causes a person to be straight, gay, lesbian, or bisexual, but research shows that it's based on biological factors that are in place before birth. We do know that sexual orientation is usually established before puberty. And although sexual orientation probably begins to develop before birth, it may seem to change over the course of a lifetime for some people.

  One thing is clear — sexual orientation is not something that people can decide for themselves, or for others.

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  How Many People Are Homosexual?

  There is no way to know for sure — experts can only guess how many people may be homosexual. Research by Alfred Kinsey suggested that about 1 in 10 people are homosexual. Other research suggests somewhat lower estimates.

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  What Is the Kinsey Scale?

  Alfred Kinsey developed the Kinsey scale as a way of describing a person’s sexual orientation. Kinsey found that many people were not exclusively straight or gay — that a person’s sexual orientation can actually be somewhere in between. The Kinsey scale categories are

  • 0 — exclusively heterosexual
  • 1 — predominantly heterosexual, infrequently homosexual
  • 2 — predominantly heterosexual, but more than infrequently homosexual
  • 3 — equally heterosexual and homosexual (bisexual)
  • 4 — predominantly homosexual, but more than infrequently heterosexual
  • 5 — predominantly homosexual, infrequently heterosexual
  • 6 — exclusively homosexual

  Today, many researchers believe the Kinsey scale is too simple. They suggest that each person’s sexual orientation may be even more complex than these basic labels.

  People are all different, and each person’s sexual orientation is unique. People may choose to label their sexual orientation as they wish — and many people choose not to label it at all.

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  How Can I Figure Out Someone’s Sexual Orientation?

  The only way you can know is if the person tells you. Some people think they can tell people’s sexual orientation by the way they walk, talk, or dress, or by the job or hobbies they have. This is not true. Those are just stereotypes — widely accepted but very simplified judgments about a group.

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  What If I’m Unsure About My Sexual Orientation?

  You are not alone. It can take years to understand our sexual orientation. Often, people may find that they are "questioning" for quite a while, or that none of the labels used to describe sexual orientation seems to apply to them. Each of us has to answer these questions for ourselves, but it may take time before we know.

  Rest assured that many other people are still figuring out their sexuality, so what you're feeling is more common than you might think. Talking with a trusted friend or family member may help you figure it out.

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  What Is “Coming Out?”

  “Coming out” or “coming out of the closet” is a process of accepting and being open about one’s previously hidden identity — such as being bisexual, lesbian, or gay. The first step is coming out to ourselves. This happens as we recognize our orientation and accept it. We may also decide to tell others — sometimes right away, and sometimes later on. This decision is different for each person.

  Coming out isn’t a one-time thing. Because many people assume that all people they meet are heterosexual, coming out can be a constant process. Every time lesbian, gay, or bisexual people meet a new person, they have to decide whether and when to come out.

  The coming-out process builds self-esteem, but can be stressful. Coming out often helps us feel closer to the people we love, even though it can be risky.

  If you’re deciding whether or not to come out, you have much to think about. Consider all the pluses and minuses. If coming out means that you risk losing your place in the family and emotional and financial support, for example, you may want to wait until you can find a way to support yourself. You should also think about whether coming out could put you in any physical danger.

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  What Is Homophobia?

  Homophobia is fear or hatred of people who are lesbian, gay, or bisexual. Homophobia can also be fear or hatred of people who may appear to be lesbian or gay.

  When gay, lesbian, and bisexual people have fear or hatred of themselves because of their homosexuality, it’s called internalized homophobia.

  Homophobia comes from fear. Some people are fearful because they have the wrong information — family, friends, and religious authorities often encourage negative feelings about homosexuality. And some people are fearful because they don’t have any information about homosexuality — they are not aware of gay people or issues.

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  What Are the Results of Homophobia?

  Homophobia hurts all of us. It can prevent lesbian, gay, and bisexual people from feeling safe and from living full lives. It leads to discrimination and sometimes violence. Lesbian, gay, and bisexual people — and those who appear to be homosexual — may face verbal abuse or physical violence because of their sexual orientation. This abuse is sometimes called gay-bashing.

  More subtle forms of discrimination also come from homophobia. For example, people who are, or who are perceived to be, gay, lesbian, or bisexual, may not be hired for certain jobs, be allowed to rent certain apartments, or may be treated poorly by health care providers.

  The stress of homophobia can be very harmful. It can cause

  • depression
  • fear
  • isolation
  • paranoia

  Internalized homophobia can lead to suicide. Up to 30 percent of lesbian, gay, and bisexual adolescents attempt suicide.

  Homophobia can also hurt straight people. It can keep straight men from forming close friendships with other men, for example.

  Fighting Homophobia

  No matter what your sexual orientation, there are several simple things you can do to fight homophobia:
  

  • Challenge stereotypes about lesbians, gays, and bisexuals.
  • Use inclusive language — language that acknowledges that not everyone is heterosexual. For example, if you meet a woman who wears a wedding ring, don’t automatically refer to her husband.
  • Treat everyone — regardless of sexual orientation — with respect and dignity.

  Here are some tips that might help you challenge homophobia in your everyday life:
  

  • First, make sure you are safe. Don’t challenge someone if you fear for your safety.
  • Remember it’s not personal. Homophobia is a fear that makes no sense. It might feel like a personal attack, but it’s not.
  • Pick a good time. Some homophobic situations come up very publicly. Others happen just between a couple of friends. Sometimes you might decide to speak up right away. Other times you may say something later on. And sometimes you might choose to just walk away.
  • Ask questions and stay calm. Sometimes people don’t know what words are insensitive or offensive. Try to remain calm and tell them.
  • Friends are important. Don’t go it alone. Ask for help when you need it. Develop a support system.
  • Practice different ways you could approach situations. Talk it out with a friend.