It can be hard to know if a relationship is healthy. Many people feel unsure about how healthy their relationship is.
In a healthy relationship, people consider each other's needs and make compromises so they both feel happy. One of the best ways to decide if a relationship is healthy is to think about how your partner makes you feel most of the time.
- Does your partner make you feel safe and cared for most of the time? If so, your relationship is probably healthy.
- Does your partner make you feel sad, afraid, or bad about yourself most of the time? If so, your relationship may be unhealthy.
But no relationship is perfect. And sometimes even healthy relationships may have some unhealthy moments. Couples may be able to work together to create a healthier relationship. But, if unhealthy behaviors are a constant part of the relationship, it is likely that the relationship is unhealthy. And if you are in an unhealthy relationship, you might consider ending it.
RESPECT
A healthy relationship should be based on shared respect for each other. People who respect each other are proud of each other. They are accepting and like each other for who they really are. They also listen to and value each other's ideas and opinions.
Ask yourself whether you and your partner respect each other.
- Do you usually listen to each other's ideas and feelings?
- Do you treat each other as friends?
- Are you proud of each other?
If you answered yes to these questions, there is probably respect in your relationship, and that's a good sign for you and the health of your relationship.
Without respect, relationships can be hurtful. Many of us think it takes a slap or a punch to hurt someone. But insults and unkind words hurt just as much. They can destroy our self-esteem how we feel about ourselves.
Does your partner ...
- make you feel ugly, stupid, or unsure of yourself?
- say you could never make it without him or her?
- call you crazy or stupid?
- ignore or make fun of your feelings or ideas?
- put down your race, family, culture, religion, income, or neighborhood?
If you answered yes to some of these questions, you may feel that your partner doesn't have respect for you.
HONESTY AND TRUST
Honesty and trust are important parts of any healthy relationship. People build trust by being honest with one another. When we trust someone, we feel we have someone we can count on. We also feel safe sharing our thoughts and feelings with each other, which helps to bring us closer. In a healthy relationship, people can tell each other the truth even when it's difficult.
Lack of trust in a relationship can cause problems. It can lead to worry and jealousy. Jealousy is a normal feeling everyone feels jealous, sometimes. But we all have a choice about how we act on our feelings. Some people can become very controlling when they let jealousy get out of hand. And controlling behavior can break the trust we have in one another. When we trust our partner, we are confident in the relationship, less likely to get jealous, and less likely to overreact to our jealous feelings.
Ask yourself whether you and your partner are honest and trust each other.
- Do you both tell the truth without fear?
- Do you both usually admit when you're wrong?
- Do you understand each other's needs for friends and family?
- Do you feel sure of each other's love?
- Do you have faith in each other's decisions?
If you answered yes to these questions, there is probably honesty and trust in your relationship, and that's a good sign for you and the health of your relationship.
Without honesty and trust, a relationship can cause unhappiness. Partners can doubt the other person's love or commitment. In healthy relationships, people build trust by talking, listening, being honest, respecting each other's feelings, and having fun together.
Does your partner ...
- lie to you to avoid taking responsibility?
- keep secrets?
- say things like, "You wouldn't need other friends if you really loved me"? or "You're having an affair, aren't you"?
If you answered yes to some of these questions, you may be wondering if you and your partner trust each other.
FAIRNESS AND EQUALITY
A healthy relationship is one in which partners treat each other fairly and as equals. No one person controls the relationship. Both people need to feel that their needs are important. Both people need to give and take in the relationship. Both partners should share equally in decision making and be willing to make compromises.
Disagreements happen in all relationships. And it is normal for partners to have different opinions and needs. When partners treat each other fairly, they acknowledge one another's opinions and try to satisfy one another's needs. In healthy relationships, when disagreements happen, people "fight fair." This means listening to another person's point of view and respecting it.
Ask yourself whether you and your partner treat each other fairly and as equals.
- Do you both get to say what you really want?
- Can you both usually expect to have your needs satisfied?
- Do you give and take equally?
- Do you usually make important decisions together?
- Do you both compromise?
If you answered yes to these questions, there is probably fairness and equality in your relationship, and that's a good sign for you and the health of your relationship.
Without fairness and equality, relationships can be hurt by anger. No one is always right or always wrong. And one partner should not always be in control. In healthy relationships, neither partner is "in charge." In healthy relationships, partners admit their mistakes and can expect fairness, forgiveness, and the ability to make decisions for themselves.
Does your partner ...
- always blame you when something goes wrong?
- try to make you feel guilty about mistakes?
- keep track of your time?
- make you ask permission to do what you want?
- ignore what you want or need?
- force you to do something you don't want to do?
- check up on you all the time at school, work, or home?
- make most of the decisions in your relationship?
- want to control the money?
If you answered yes to some of these questions, you may be wondering if the balance of power is fair and equal in your relationship.
GOOD COMMUNICATION
Good communication is important in any healthy relationship. Communication happens many ways in relationships in person, on the phone, through e-mail or texts, and through body language, for example.
When people in a healthy relationship communicate with each other, they feel comfortable and safe sharing their thoughts and feelings. They also listen to the thoughts and feelings of the other person. If they are worried or upset, they know the other person will listen to and support them.
Ask yourself whether your relationship is based on good communication.
- Do you usually feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings with each other?
- Do you usually listen to each other without interrupting or judging?
- Do you solve problems and iron out disagreements together?
If you answered yes to these questions, there is probably good communication in your relationship, and that's a good sign for you and the health of your relationship.
Without good communication, there are a lot of misunderstandings. In healthy relationships, partners are open and listen to each other.
Does your partner ...
- refuse to talk about your relationship?
- keep you from saying what's on your mind?
- yell at you?
- refuse to talk about feelings and worries?
- refuse to find time for you?
- give you the silent treatment?
If you answered yes to these questions, you may be wondering if you and your partner are communicating well.
|
It Goes Both Ways
Often, when people are wondering about their relationships, they start to examine their partner's behavior. But it is also important to look at your own behavior.
Do you ...
- respect your partner?
- trust your partner?
- treat your partner as an equal?
- treat your partner fairly?
- communicate honestly?
- listen to your partner?
Remember, it takes two people to make a relationship work. Thinking about and changing your own behavior is as important as talking with your partner about the changes you want made in the relationship. |
